'Twas Ever Thus...

This "comic" poem appeared in the Hull Pocket on November 22, 1833 and then eight days later in The Morning Chronicle in London. Poor "Mary Smith" gets a beating again. 

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IM-PROPER NAMES -- BY H.W.C                     'Tis hard one may not choose one's name, And style one's self at will, Selecting sweet "sound argument," To make the senses thrill  Like Montague or Cavendish -- Sweet Montmorencie, too. Who'd own to Hobson, Brown or Jones, And such like common crew? Alas! my name among the great Claims neither "kin nor kith," I ba'ed myself when forc'd to sign -- "Your's, truly, Mary Smith!" And oh! the too "familiar word"  That's written S, M, I -- Why was it not that best of Smythes, With final E -- and why? 'Tis cruel thus to "call me names,"  And such as I abhor. My God-fathers and God-mothers Have much to answer for: They vow'd and promis'd in my name  In "vulgar tongue" forthwith I wish my "gossips" had been dumb, Nor called me -- Mary Smith. 'Tis very hard, at parties gay One may not "chose one's calling," "Miss Smiths" at every rout or ball, By dozens they are bawling, That hated "Smith" too plainly glares, In all the beaten tracks, On waggons, coaches, cans and carts, Shop fronts and pedlars' packs. Kind Sirs - my story I have told - Pray mark the point and pith: Will any man - of ancient name - Rid me of - "Mary Smith?"  (Comic Offering)   The Hull Packet (Hull) Friday Nov 22, 1833