Alexander and Danielle have just welcomed a son -- a brother for their daughters Florence and Henrietta -- who as yet is unnamed. Alexander has contacted me asking for help from BBN readers.
They don't want a name that can be shortened and diminished, nor a name beginning with A, D, F or H. Their surname is three syllables with strong 't' sounds and ending in -n.
Danielle's List:
Tristan - Alexander doesn't think it goes well with their surname.
Benedict - They both like but worried it will inevitably be shortened to Bennie
Edward - Alexander finds it slightly dull
Raphael - Alexander thinks its unsually exotic with Florence and Henrietta
Theodore - Name used by a friend.
Alexander's list:
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Looking at both your lists, it's clear you both like distinguished, elegant names, but where as one of you prefers cultivated, sophisticated choices with an exotic flair, the other likes more quirky antique relics. The balance is finding a name that suits both styles and just feels right.
It seems that you both quite like Benedict but are put off by the nickname Bennie. Nicknames are an almost inevitable and ever changing thing for most people in their lives that parents are powerless to prevent. People can be known by different names to different people, and can adopt or drop nicknames at different times in their life. That said, just because you can't prevent your children ever having nicknames in their lives, it doesn't mean you can't steer it. I was born at a time when most Eleanors were automatically called Ellie (they still are, mostly). My parents never particularly liked Ellie, so called me Eleanor, or Ella (Elea) at home. Consequently, through habit of being introduced, and introducing myself as such, I'm Eleanor to most of the people I meet. Yes, I get Ellie occasionally when I first meet someone, but it never bothers me. I either correct them or I just shrug it off and answer to it regardless.
I teach Thomases who are just Thomas and others who are Tom, Jacobs who are just Jacobs while others are Jay or Jake and Samuels who are always Samuel while some are always Sam. Crucially, it's each child's choice.
If you are clear, your Benedict could stay as such for much of his childhood. Some people you don't know well may go for Bennie, but you can either politely correct them, or shrug it off in the knowledge that you won't see them much. Family and friends should be more respectful of your preferences if you make it clear to them. If your family and friends are determined to have a nickname, why not steer them towards Ned as a nickname instead of Bennie.
Edmund – If Edward is too common-place, how about Edmund? Just as elegant but far more unexpected. A name borne by kings, saints and adventurers.
Gabriel – Seeing Raphael on your wife's list, leads me to fellow archangel Gabriel. Equally urbane, Gabriel is both has a stylish saintly flair but with more homely grounding in the English-speaking world. Just like Florence and Henrietta, it is a fellow Dickensian name, sharing a dapper Victorian vibe. I also love that with Gabriel, your children would have the initials F G H, which is a nice consecutive alphabet link.
Sebastian – Saintly, Shakespearean and sophisticated, Sebastian is a stylish Late Roman relic associated with the patron of soldiers and athletes.
Thaddeus – A genial and courtly Biblical choice, Thaddeus is familiar yet uncommon, and stands well on its own.
Roderick – The anglicised form of the old medieval Welsh name Rhydderch meaning "very exalted," and borne by several Welsh princes including Rhydderch the Generous. Roderick is also an old Germanic name meaning "rich fame," brought to Britain by the Normans and found in many forms across Europe.
Jasper – The name of a stone, as well as the anglicised form of Casper, the traditional name given to one of the three wise men of the Nativity. Affable and distinguished: Jasper is a fashionable yet uncommon choice.
Ivo – A sleek and elegant ancient Germanic name. It's small but it packs a lot of punch.
Silas – Derived from the Roman name Silvanus, Silas is an urbane name from the New Testament.
Jonas – The Latin form of the Hebrew name Jonah, one of the most important prophets of the Old Testament.Jonas has been used since the Middle Ages and still retains a chic antique charm.
Reuben – Another stylish biblical choice is Reuben. Pretty nickname proof and a stylish choice for Victorians, lending it a gentlemanly air.
Everett – A suave surname form of Everard, a medieval name -- made famous Gunpowder Plotter Everard Digby -- derived from the Anglo-Saxon Eoferheard.
Beckett – Another distinguished surname, adopted as a given name in honour of saint and rebel, Thomas Becket. It also has a literary vibe thanks to poet Samuel Beckett.
Myles – Miles, or Myles, are the stylish Norman forms of the Germanic Milo, thought to mean "beloved, dear, gracious."
Rufus – A Late Latin name meaning "red," made famous by King William Rufus, called so because of his red hair. Rufus is an affable gentleman with a fashionable ending found in popular Angus and Marcus.
Quentin – Quentin is genial funky-clunky choice, while Quinton is slightly more buttoned-down and refined. Either make a dashing and unexpected choice next to Florence and Henrietta.
Ralph – Adorably quirky and upstanding Ralph is short but perfectly stately and upright. The form Rafe, which reflects the traditional English pronunciation, is also a stylish choice.
Maxim – Though Max may seem inevitable, stately Maxim is not so much of a mouthful as Maximilian that people feel the need to shorten it. Like Marcus or Lucas, it stands perfectly well on its own with needing to be diminished.
I hope this has been of help. Best wishes in making the final decision.
